dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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