my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize