No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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