I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Life is so much better after having sex.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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