I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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