The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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