new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize