i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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