peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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