I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
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never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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