tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I party with great urgency now.
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