How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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