it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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