wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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