I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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