This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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