is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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