we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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