I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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