And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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