fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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