I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize