Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

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  (516): Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter. http://tfl.nu/yfry
  Replies (74) Good night (577) Bad night (6342) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"

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  (630): i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis" http://tfl.nu/h67z
  Replies (20) Good night (873) Bad night (5265) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in

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  (773): literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in http://tfl.nu/d9qi
  Replies (8) Good night (3877) Bad night (1747)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was

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  (201): at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was http://tfl.nu/89k6
  Replies (21) Good night (3198) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong

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  (740): You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong http://tfl.nu/17fl
  Replies (11) Good night (3031) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?

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  (203): And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I? http://tfl.nu/nbwe
  Replies (8) Good night (765) Bad night (2513) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment

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  (720): It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment http://tfl.nu/cuki
  Replies (8) Good night (1563) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?

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  (217): Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard? http://tfl.nu/j2bg
  Replies (16) Good night (700) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage

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  (415): Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage http://tfl.nu/93nr
  Replies (4) Good night (802) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?

  (718): View more from New York

  See you tonight.

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  (201): Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning? (718): See you tonight. http://tfl.nu/wje2
  Replies (4) Good night (1462) Bad night (424)
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  (805): View more from California

  Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.

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  (805): Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered. http://tfl.nu/wect
  Replies (8) Good night (1791) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.

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  (248): He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall. http://tfl.nu/m004
  Replies (10) Good night (2153) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again

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  (773): my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again http://tfl.nu/3fhf
  Replies (3) Good night (282) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Then he went and peed on those teenagers.

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  (501): I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it (501): Then he went and peed on those teenagers. http://tfl.nu/3fwd
  Replies (6) Good night (953) Bad night (250)
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  (650): View more from California

  At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.

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  (650): At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe. http://tfl.nu/ot23
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (209)

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