if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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