Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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