omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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