I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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