God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize