I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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