xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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