I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My vagina is officially offended.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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