I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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