I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize