he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Success! We fucked roommates!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize