so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize