Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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