I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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