your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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