She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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