Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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