Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize