i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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