So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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