Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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