Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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