Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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