maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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