she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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