OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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