found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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